Struck By Lightening
by MaximumTurtle
Summary: This is my story which closely follows the basis of the misfits story except with a few extra OC. -THERE WILL NOT BE UPDATES FOR SOME TIME, I APOLOGIZE-
1. Chapter 1

Community service… what a shitty punishment he thought to himself, why did he have to get this, still it must have been better than prison, 'he' in question, was 'Elmo' very little else was actually known about him, much less on file, the authorities thought he was an immigrant, but he wasn't he was extremely quiet and had not much desire to stop this habit, where he was stood outside of the community center, he was accompanied by a group of other young offenders, they were all stood leaning against a rail when he arrived, and none of them had thought to talk to each other.

He walked over in his usual manner, which to most would seem quite intimidating, considering he was 6 foot 7 inches tall, the group of young offenders included a local athlete which he actually liked, and knew a bit about, but he would never have guessed that he would be put on the same community service line as him.

Standing next to the athlete was a much smaller guy, and tiny in comparison to Elmo, the small man, did not like the stature of Elmo at all, and gave him some dirty looks, then there was another tall guy, very thin, he had wavy hair, and looked like quite the comedian.

Two girls were next to each other in the lineup after the three guys, the first was a bit larger than the other, but in no way fat, with hair tied back and chewing a piece of gum, like there was no tomorrow, then the tanned girl, who was very hot, Elmo knew there was going to be an interesting story as to why she was here, then lastly there was another bloke that ended the lineup, quite small, a timid looking fellow, Elmo thought that there was much more to him than was apparent.

Elmo was late, so he thought best not to provoke the probation worker should he ask questions, and he went and stood next to the shy looking guy, "Excuse me where have you been, you're five minutes late" asked the probation worker, Elmo pulled out a small letter and gave it to the probation worker, he then read it and said nothing then continued to address the group, then the tall wavy haired guy spoke up, "Sorry but what the hell was that!" he yelled in a northern accent, "He didn't even say anything, what was on the paper?" he demanded, "Never you mind, he's been excused".

"Now as I was saying, you have the chance to prove to society that you're not all that bad" but the tall guy cut him off again, "Yeah, but what if they're right?" he said and nodded to the small guy who failed to look intimidating, "No offence!" and then he continued whilst still pointing at the small guy, "But I'm thinking some people are just born criminals", then the small guy piped up.

"You looking to get stabbed?"

"See my point?"

"I'll rip out your throat and shit down your neck" replied the small man.

Distractions from the group appeared out of nowhere, the tanned girls phone rang, the athlete started moaning, and the chavy girl started talking.

"Hey stop it, all of you!"

Then the small guy and tall guy kicked off.

Elmo calmly put a cigarette in him mouth and walked over, and effortlessly picked them both up by the collars, quite a feat despite the other tall guy was easily over six foot tall.

"Put me down man, before I shank you bruv!" shouted the little chav.

"That's enough, put them both down, or do I have to reference you by name?" said the probation worker

Elmo dropped the both instantly, returned to his place, and sparked up his cigarette, still saying nothing, Jesus these people are stupid, he thought to himself.

After their first confrontation in the first five minutes of even being on community service, the group had been assigned to paint some benched, they finally started to talk to each other though.

The chavy guy got put his head to close to the bench and got some paint on it, Elmo let out a little snort, "Oi yeah, what's so funny? You think you're so tough, bet you won't be laughin' when you got a knife in ya!" yelled the little chav as he stormed towards Elmo, who was slouching against a wall, the chav started to size up to Elmo, who merely stood up straight to reveal that he was at least a foot taller than the chav had initially thought, Elmo pointed towards the cap, "What?" said the chav taking his cap off, "Aww man, I got paint on my cap, this is bullshit, he stormed off kicking a paint bucket on his way.

"So I'm guessing, shoplifting?" at this point Elmo had figured out all of their names apart from the shy guys and the chav who had just stormed off.

"Don't act like you know me, 'cause you don't" the chavy girl whose name was Kelly, replied.

"I'm just making conversation" said Nathan, the tall guy.

"This is a chance to network with other young offenders, we should be swapping tips, brainstorming" he continued.

"come on, what did you do?" he asked her softly.

"This girl called me a slag, so I just got into a fight".

"Was this on the Jeremy Kyle show?"

"No, it was in Argos".

Elmo laughed, and got a dirty look from Kelly.

"You know what you should have done, you should have gotten one of those little pens they have and jabbed it in her eye" said Nathan.

Elmo laughed again.

"What about you?" he said addressing Elmo.

"I don't think he talks" said Simon.

"Woah weird kid, where did you come from?"

"Yeah but he can laugh though" said Kelly.

"Hey weird kid, don't take this the wrong way, but you look like a panty sniffer" said Nathan.

"Do you really not talk?" Kelly asked Elmo.

Elmo just looked at her, and gave a shake of the head.

"I'm not a panty sniffer, I'm not a pervert"

Nathan made some odd sounds resembling specific profanities.

"I tried to burn someone's house down!"

Nathan, gave a whimpered laugh and returned to the bench with Elmo and Kelly.

"So what did you do?" asked Kelly.

"I was done for, er, eating some pick n mix"

"Bollocks"

"Hey how did that happen? You've been here for five minutes, was this you?" asked the probation worker pointing at Elmo, "Because if you think that you can get away with this, you're wrong, I will find a way to enforce you if you disobey" he said whilst trying to keep his composure.

"it was the small guy" said Kelly, then shot Elmo a smile.

Just then a huge storm cloud started to form overhead.

"You're only painting benches, how did you manage to screw that up?"

Nathan was brandishing a huge smile on his face, just then, a gigantic ice rock flew down and smashed into a car, totaling it.

"Oh Jesus" yelled Nathan.

"That's my car" aid the probation worker in disbelief.

"Hah classic" Nathan said whilst laughing.

Then more rocks began to fall.

"Everyone inside now!" ordered the probation worker, everyone started to run, Elmo merely walked along, trying to light a cigarette.

More and more rocks started to fall, narrowly missing the group, they then stopped outside the locked center.

"Shit, it's locked open it!" ordered Curtis.

The probation worker fumbled with the keys, whilst the young offenders offered no help and kept putting the pressure on.

Elmo reappeared and joined them in waiting for the community center to be opened.

"Come on" yelled Nathan.

Elmo laughed again.

"What's so damn funny?" ordered Curtis.

"Open the fucking door!" screamed Alisha

"Don't speak to me like that!" boomed the probation worker.

Then the storm hit, thrashed out with lightening, and left the whole group, lying on the floor.

"We should be dead" said Simon.

"A little reassurance might be nice" replied Nathan.

"Wanker" said the probation worker.

"Did he just call me a wanker?"

"Is everyone alright" the probation worker said as he struggled to get up.

Everyone was recovering from the lightening, except Elmo, who was just lying there.

"Shit, check the big guy" said Alisha.

Elmo's eyes suddenly popped open, and he flipped up with speed and grace, and landed in a combat ready position.

"Calm the fuck down man, we're not under attack or anything!" shouted Nathan

"Maybe we should call it a day" said the probation worker.

"Can we go then? Is that it?" Curtis asked.

"I think there's something wrong with him, he was having a spasm" replied Simon.

"He was probably just faking it! Trying to get some compensation, cheap bastard" replied Nathan,.

"Hey what do you think big guy?" Curtis asked Elmo.

Elmo said nothing and instead started to walk away.

"I see the storm didn't change anything" said Curtis.

"I don't think he was faking it" said Simon.

"And you know all about being… Mental" replied Nathan.

They then realized Elmo had the right idea, and left without waiting for the probation worker to turn up.

Nathan had been evicted out of his house, and had nowhere left to stay, Elmo figured this out when he went into the community center to find Nathan asleep with a bag of his belonging on the upper stairwell of the entrance.

Elmo whistled very loudly, "Ahh what the fuck? I thought you couldn't talk?" Nathan's question was met with silence, "ahh maybe you can't, is it time for community service already?" his question was met with a affirming grunt.

Nathan got up and followed Elmo to the locker room, where he frantically tried to stuff his belongings into the most secure locker there, after a couple of minutes of effort, and a bemused look on Elmo's face, Nathan gave in, "Hey, think you could do better? fancy giving this a go?" Elmo walked up, and punched straight through the bag, and the locker behind it, they were both completely shocked, Elmo had just punched straight through a full metal locker without any effort what so ever, "Holy shit, how did you do that?" he asked, Elmo gave a hum that faintly sounded like, 'I dunno', "Oh well I'll sort this shit out later", come on we'd better see where the others are.

Nathan and Elmo walked around to the other side of the building where they others were, on the side of the wall in big red paint was 'I'm going to kill you!', Elmo let out a small laugh.

"Is this a joke, did one of you do this?" asked Curtis.

Then the probation worker walked up, "Come on guys, get changed, you can start by cleaning this off the wall" Alisha's phone rang, the probation worker snapped, "Right that is it, no ones aloud to take any more calls today, now give me the phone!" and he snatched the phone out of Alisha's hand, and went around the group gathering phones. He came to Nathan, "I'm expecting a call from my mum" and the probation worker snatched the phone from his hands, "ok take a message" said Nathan, the probation worker turned to Elmo, "Do you even have a phone?" Elmo nodded, "Are you going to co-operate and give me the phone?" asked the probation worker, Elmo stopped and thought to himself for about ten seconds, then pulled an old phone from his pocket, "Thank you" said the probation worker, then turned and walked away.

The group were then left to clean up the profane graffiti, and Alisha's had taken the time to top up her tan, "You just relax yeah" said Curtis.

"Someone's just going to write something on there tonight, they make us do these bullshit jobs, they can just suck my dick."

"Nice" Curtis said whilst taking a good look at her chest.

"Oh and feel free to check out my tits" she said in response to him looking.

Kelly suddenly hears Nathans voice inside her head, 'She can't throw me out, she's my mum, I'm homeless how embarrassing', "You know after the storm, did any of yous feel anything weird?" asked Kelly.

"Yeah, I had a strange tingling sensation in my anus" replied Nathan.

Kelly heard Simon's voice in her head this time, 'I should say something, but she'll probably think I'm a freak', Kelly turned to him, "Did you feel weird?" she asked.

"What you don't want to hear about my anus?" interrupted Nathan.

Elmo laughed at this.

"I swear man, that's all you ever do, can you actually talk?" asked Nathan.

Elmo nodded, but said nothing.

Kelly heard Nathan's voice inside her head again 'oh man, I'd shag a chav, get a grip', she didn't like this, and shoved him then stormed off.

The probation worker came up, "Kelly where are you going?"

"Fuck off" she said as he grabbed her by the arms.

"Oh you think you can do whatever you like, no you're powerless here, you bitch"

Kelly head butt him and ran off.

Leaving the probation worker on the floor and quickly getting angrier, he snapped and pulled a nearby railing of the fence, then gave chase.

The group apart from Kelly were now all inside the community center, just chatting, when Nathan asks, "So why exactly are you on community service, we know all apart from you and the big guy?".

"Shit we don't even know the big guys name" said Curtis.

Elmo walked off, and shortly returned with a piece of paper with the name 'Elmo' written on it.

"Elmo, like in sesame street?" asked Curtis with a laugh.

Elmo simply gave him the two finger salute.

"Anyway carry on"

"So I'm going to this party, and I've been drinking, and we get pulled over, and I've already been banned from driving" said Alisha.

"So this cop he hands me the breathalyzer and I'm like, do I suck, or do I blow?" Alisha then starts to suck the bottle of water in her hands, "It's insane I'm totally working it yeah" She then continues to imitate a blow job on this bottle leaving all four guys left with mouths wide open and faces in total concentration, she stops, "Now I don't know if this cop is gay or what, but he tells me, I'm four times over the limit, it was total bullshit, I didn't even want to go to the party"

Kelly then burst through the doors to the community center frantically,

"He's gonna kill us!" she yelled.

"The probation worker has gone mental he's just attacked me!" she continued.

"It's been all weird since the storm hit, I can hear peoples voices in me head, what people are thinking!" she said frantically trying to get the group to believe her.

"Okay, if you can hear our thoughts, what am I thinking now?" Kelly hears Nathan's voice 'this is bullshit'

"You think this is bullshit?" she yelled at him

"Of course I think this is bullshit, you don't need to be a mind reader to know that!" he replied.

"This does sound a bit weird" said Curtis as he walked towards the door.

"No he's out there!" Kelly said as she pushed Curtis back and got violently stabbed in the head, everyone screamed, Elmo ran up to the oncoming berserk probation worker and screamed "TWENTY SIX" and snapped the probation workers neck with a flying leg lock, just then everything froze, except for Curtis, and his heart raced faster, and everything that had just happened, had reversed itself, like he had just turned back time.

"Of course I think this is bull, you don't have to be a mind reader to know that!" said Nathan, just as he had before.

"She's right, she's telling the truth". He yelled.

"This has all happened before, I opened the door, he killed you, you were lying right there you were dead, Elmo ran up and spoke! You shouted twenty six then killed the probation worker"

"What, he spoke?" they all asked except for Kelly.

"Who the fuck is Elmo?"

"The big guy, that Elmo"

Elmo waved sarcastically.

"Elmo I heard you talk, what did you mean by twenty six?"

Elmo said nothing.

"Look man, I know you can talk, so just spit it out already".

Elmo continued to say nothing.

"Fine be silent, either way, he killed Kelly, you spoke and killed him".

"Well this has gone too far" said Nathan, and opened the door, immediately the probation worker charged at him, Nathan closed the door as quickly as he could, "Holy shit, they're right, the probation worker has gone mental" the berserk man then smashed against the door with force.

"Fuck this we need to escape, let's go out the back" yelled Nathan as the group began to run through the corridors, Nathan suddenly slipped and fell on his ass, there was blood dripping from a locker and pooling on the floor.

"Is that blood?"

"Oh Jesus get it off me"

Curtis walked up to the locker and opened it, it was the chavy guy.

They all jumped back in horror.

Curtis reassured Alisha, "don't look at him" he held her arm, then something happened, all of the surface veins on Curtis' body enlarged and he had an uncontrollable lust urge.

"I've gotta' have sex with you right now".

She forced him off of her.

"What the fuck was that?" he asked frantically.

She went to slap him.

"Arr you're so hot, I'm going to bone you right now!"

She pushed him off again.

"What the fuck is happening".

"You said you'd shag her". Said Kelly.

"It only happened when you touched her" said Simon.

She touched Simon's neck, the veins enlarged themselves.

"I'm so hot for you, I've got to fuck you now!".

"You're both sick" said Nathan.

Then the mental probation worker bust through the community centers main doors, everything slowed down, Elmo ran up to the berserker, caught the punch and kicked him in the stomach so hard he flew into the wall, then ran up and punched him straight in the body, but it was no ordinary punch, he had made a hole right through the probation workers now lifeless body, and taken a chunk out of the brick work.

"Twenty Six" he said.

"Holy shit you killed him" said Nathan as he almost cried.

"Holy shit you spoke" said Simon sacredly.

"What? I said he did both of those things but you didn't believe me, wankers". Said Curtis.

"Shit Elmo, you put a hole through both him and the wall, are you feeling alright" said Alisha.

"So what do we do now?" asked Nathan.

"It was self defense, he would have killed us all" replied Simon.

"They won't believe us, its us verses them, they will say that we killed them both, it's down to us to figure it out."

"If there's no body, there's no crime" said Simon helpfully.

"We should bury them under the flyover" he continued.

"Yeah this could work" said Nathan.

"We clean them up a bit, put them I the wheel chairs, and if anyone asks, we're just taking a couple of specials out for a walk."

Twenty minutes later they had arrived and began to dig a hole, "Fuck this is taking too long, we need to speed it up" aid Nathan, un helpfully.

Elmo walked up, put a shovel firmly in the dirt, then punched the hand, it crumpled under his strength but formed a considerably large hole in the ground, big enough for two dead bodies.

"Come on, quickly dump them in".

After they had been fitted nicely into the hole the group just stopped for a moment, then the silence was broken by Nathan, "pretty sure this breaches the terms of my asbo".

"This stays between all of us, no extra attention, nothing, we just act normal and go about our lives."

"Which brings us to the powers" Nathan said.

"All of you have special powers apart from me and Elmo, what the fuck?"

"She can read minds, she can make you horny, he can turn invisible, and he can turn time, where the fuck is my power?" he continued.

"We'll have to find out some other time, keep filling this hole".

The next day the group had gathered for their community service, "So you can actually talk?" Simon asked Elmo, Elmo nodded, "But I'm guessing you prefer not to?"

Elmo nodded again.

Then they were all called into the probation hall, where a strange woman had gathered them here.

"Tony, your previous probation worker, and Gary one of your fellow young offenders has gone missing, if any of you have any information about their whereabouts it would be greatly appreciated"

"I know something" said Nathan.

"Yesterday I went into the toilets and I stumbled upon Tony doing Gay from behind, yelling 'who's your daddy? I'm your daddy, big daddy cool!' so I'm guessing they've run away to continue their illicit homosexual love affair" at this point everyone had turned and looked at Nathan shocked and stunned, "and I have to ask you, in this day and age of intolerance and prejudice, who are we, WHO ARE WE, to condemn them?" Everything went silent for a moment, then Elmo spoke, "Dude what the fuck?", then without another word the probation worker walked off.

The group were sitting on the roof of the community center.

"This is bullshit, I should have one of these powers" said Nathan.

"You can have mine" replied Kelly.

"I definitely didn't sign up for this" said Alisha.

"So what happens now?" asked Curtis.

"Maybe we were meant to have them, like superheroes" replied Simon.

"Superheroes huh" said Nathan.

"I could get used to that" they all rolled their eyes.

"I better get one of these shit powers if Nathan does" said Elmo, and they all laughed.


	2. Chapter 2

The group were walking along a rooftop to get to a service street where they had to do litter picking.

"I certain that I have a super power, maybe I just need to find out what it is" said Nathan, as no one was listening.

"Maybe you're just super-retarded" remarked Alisha.

"Regardless he's fucking annoying" said Elmo.

"Maybe I can do mundane shit like climb walls like spider man?"

"Since when was climbing walls classed as 'mundane shit'" asked Elmo.

Nathan ignored this and the group continued until they were where they needed to be, five minutes later they had almost finished cleaning the bin shed when Curtis saw something out of the corner of his eye.

"What the fuck is that?"

They got closer, and it turned out to be a naked man sleeping on the ground.

"Is he alive?" Asked Kelly.

"Hey dickhead, you're naked" said Alisha as she prodded him with a litter picker.

Hey turned around giving the group full view.

Nathan recognized the man, "YOU!".

The group burst out laughing.

"Hey you wanna tell u who that was?" asked Curtis.

"He lives with my mum" he replied after initially giving it some thought.

"You're step-dad ha got a huge cock" said Alisha.

"Wasn't that big" said Elmo with surprise in his voice.

"Oh, and I suppose you've got a bigger one?" questioned Kelly.

"One of the many perks of being this tall" he remarked and shot a wink her way.

"Either way, you're mum is going to hurt from that!" said Alisha, obviously getting the better of Nathan.

"la la la la, SHUT UP!"

"That doesn't explain why he's naked though" said Kelly, returning to the main point.

"What's wrong with being naked?" asked Elmo

"Nothing, until the point where you're out in the open for everyone to see" replied Kelly.

"He's probably some depraved pervert" said Alisha.

"Maybe he's a werewolf!" said Simon.

"Twat!" replied Nathan.

"That's what happens in the movies" said Simon.

"I've seen a werewolf before" said Elmo.

"Even bigger twat!" said Nathan.

"I then proceeded to kill it, gut it, skin it, then cook it, tasted kind of like chicken, but with the texture of beef, and far more chewy" replied Elmo.

"Who the fuck are you?" asked Alisha.

"Someone who clearly shouldn't be fucked with, I somehow managed to punch a hole in someone's chest, Nathans's locker, and take a chunk out of a brick wall" he replied.

"Hey maybe that's your power" said Curtis.

"No, 'fraid not, I could do that before the storm".

"That's some fucked up shit, considering you don't even look that strong".

"Have you ever seen me out of this jump suit?" he asked.

"That's a good point actually, we've only ever seen him, in a orange suit" aid Kelly.

"Exactly, and these things are baggy, so looks can be deceiving"

"Well, are you gonna show us anything?"

Elmo tensed his left arm, and the orange jumpsuit ripped from the stress and when he relaxed his arm, the sleeve just fell right off, revealing a highly defined arm underneath it, and some advanced tribal tattoos, Elmo wasn't covered in them though, you could tell that these tattoos that you had to earn, rather than be given.

"Which brings me back to the first question, Who the fuck are you?" asked Nathan.

"It doesn't matter who I am, maybe you will learn in time, but for now, you might want to re-prioritize as there is a naked man who 'lives with your mum' running around and you don't know where he is".

"Ahh fuck it, let's go".

The group had arrived at the community center just in time for the probation worker to grab them into a hall filled with OAPs.

"Eugh, old people everywhere" said Elmo.

"Woah, holy shit there are" replied Nathan.

"Look, I just need you to keep them company for a little while, dance with them, talk with them, get them some tea if they need it".

After a moment of silence and no movement, she resorted to orders, "Just go!".

Kelly and Nathan walked up to an old war hero in a chair.

"I think he's dead"

They take closer look, and right before Nathan was about to say something.

"Get down Jenkins, grenade!" Elmo shouted right behind them.

The man then jumped straight up and punched Nathan in the face.

Elmo walked off laughing hysterically.

"I think he's fine, if not better" said Nathan holding his nose, trying to prevent any bleeding from happening.

Nathan the walked off to clean his nose up before returning to the room, and Kelly sat down next to the startled war veteran.

The group were scattered around being forced to dance with people, Elmo walked out the back before having a sly cigarette.

Alisha was idly standing around when the probation worker walked up, "Perhaps you'd like to dance with someone?"

"She can dance with me if you like?" Elmo said from outside.

"I meant someone over sixty" she replied.

"You've got to be shitting me" asked Alisha.

"No Alisha I'm not shitting you", as she emphasized 'shitting'.

The probation worker led Alisha up to quite an active old man, and set them to dance, but as soon as they linked hands, the old man started to spew profanities about sexual relations with Alisha.

"Ok, let's go and find you a chair" said the probation worker to the old man, now oblivious as to what had just happened.

"You go and make tea, just keep out the way" she continued.

Alisha stormed out and Curtis gave her a worrying look.

Elmo disregarded what had happened and continued to smoke outside, before being confronted by the probation worker, "Why aren't you inside helping?" she asked him

"Don't you think I might appear just a little bit menacing to a bunch of OAPs?" he asked genuinely interested in her reply.

"Fine, just try not to make things worse, we've already had an incident"

"Yes, I saw, interesting" he said before finishing his cigarette and proceeding to make some tea.

Nathan had returned from the toilets and was now wheeling an old lady around wen a young beautiful woman walked through the door and they exchanged looks, "Hi" she said, he let go of the woman he was wheeling around and stared at the young blonde beauty, giving her body a final check before waling over to help her.

Nathan handed her a tray that she went to pick up, "Hi" he said.

"Thanks" she replied.

"So are you like a member of staff or something?"

"I'm a volunteer" she said as if it was obvious.

"A volunteer? I love to volunteer" he said.

"Is that why they gave you community service?"

"Could be, could be, I'd probably just be here anyway you know, volunteering and stuff"

Elmo walked through holding a massive tray of tea.

"Or being a faggot and stuff" he remarked and carried on going

"Don't listen to him, he weighs more than his IQ" Nathan said quietly.

"Anyway, so what did you do?" she asked him.

"I sexually assaulted a ninety year old woman" he said.

"She didn't seem to think so at the time, god rest her soul".

Elmo returned to the kitchen but passed Nathan on the way.

"Dude you're fucked up" he said and continued to do his duty.

"Who actually is that?" she asked.

"Him? He's Elmo, you know that cute cuddly bear from sesame street?"

This got a good reaction from the young woman.

"So what did you really do?" she asked.

"Oh, truth is, I was just done for eating some pick n mix".

"Right of course you were, you are such a liar, pass me those sausage rolls".

Nathan did as he was asked, when he turned around there was and old woman gesturing for his hands, he let out a girly yell, Elmo who had witnessed all of this dropped a tray of tea and creased up laughing at his reaction.

"I think she wants to dance with" said the woman as she walked off.

"Oh that's nice". Nathan yelled after her.

He then turned to the woman who was waiting for him to take her hands and dance with him and muttered a nearly silent 'Fuck off'.

The group were back in the changing rooms and Curtis opened his locker to find a 'I know what you did' sign tapped to the inside.

He then turned to everyone else brandishing the paper, "someone knows".

"They know we killed our probation worker" he continued.

"Oh great, do I have to kill someone else now to cover up?" Elmo asked.

"Is this a wind up, was this you?" Kelly accused Nathan.

"Fine, no one listen" said Elmo to himself.

"If I was trying to wind you up, I'd be a little more creative"

"This isn't funny Nathan"

"If I wanted to freak you out, I'd have dug the body up and stuck that in your locker" he replied.

"Dude you really are fucked in the head" said Elmo.

"How do you know that even for us?" asked Nathan.

"Don't be a retard, this is for all of us"

"Listen, if anyone actually knew anything, they wouldn't have stuck that in the locker, they would have gone to the police and we'd be banged up in prison getting gang raped in the showers, but this, this means that they have no evidence, no proof, nothing" said Nathan.

"That is possibly THE smartest thing you've ever said" replied Elmo.

"Plus, it's probably some unrelated shit that you've done Nathan said as he pointed to Curtis.

"So if were all done freaking out, over nothing, there's somewhere I need to be" he said as he left without another word.

Nathan was frantically trying to climb back into his house when his mum pulled up.

"Didn't you get my messages? I need to talk to you"

"You're not moving back in and that final Nathan"

"It's not about that, I can cope being homeless, it's about Jeremy"

She let out a sigh as she knew where this would go.

"No listen, this is important"

"This morning, I was doing my community service, and we found Jeremy in the carpark, he was bollock naked"

"Nathan!"

"I swear on my mother life"

She slammed the car door insinuating he had made a mistake

"On my life"

"You're doing it again, you're lying".

"Ok how do I know he's got a massive cock?"

His mother had a look of shock on her face.

"How would I know that if I hadn't seen him naked?"

"I don't know Nathan, maybe you watched him take a shower"

"Oh because that sounds like the sort of thing I'm doing now watching men shower"

"I'm telling you mum, he was out there naked running around like a wolf boy.

"Nathan what's a wolf boy"

"It's a boy raised by wolves" he said and his impossibly huge grin had appeared.

"Why can't you just be happy for me?"

"Because your boyfriend is some sort of pshyco-rough trade-gay-rapist-werewolf!"

"Every man I meet, there's always a reason you take against them!"

"It's like when you said that Richard was sexually abusing you!"

"It's nothing like that, this is actually true!"

"Nathan this conversation is over!"

Nathan was back at the community center when suddenly all of the lights came on, he went to check it out and jumped into the young blonde woman from earlier in the day, "What are you doing here?" he asked her in surprise.

"I forgot my bag" she said, not sure if it was the right answer.

"Forgot your bag huh? Are you sure you didn't just come to see me?" he said in a suave voice

"I didn't know you'd be here, why are you here?" she said making it obvious

"I'm volunteering, I'm just giving and giving, and then I just give some"

"Is this a burglary?"

"What? No! I could say the same to you!"

"Except I've got keys to the building and permission to be here"

"Do you want a drink?"

An hour later and they were off their heads on a mixture of alcohol and drugs, which left them sitting in some wheelchairs outside the community center, when she asked for a photo, they squeezed in for a photo, and then Jeremy ran past completely naked again.

"Nathan, naked man with a giant cock just ran past."

"Hey it's him!"

"It's who?"

"He's the man that lives with my mum; quick give me your phone!"

After minutes of chasing a naked Jeremy, he stopped as he recognized the car park that he found Jeremy in the first time.

"Did you really think I was going to let you get away with this shit?" said Nathan.

Elmo then walked up beside him.

"Nathan what the fuck are you doing?" he said.

"Ahh fuck! What the hell are you doing out here!?" Nathan asked.

"I'm on my way to the shop, I need some more cigarettes." He replied.

"Ok you can help me but be quiet, I'm Jeremy hunting." Said Nathan.

Elmo thought it best not to question him about it.

"Anyway, did you really think you were going to get away with this?" he continued.

"Yeah, really?" Elmo said.

"That's my mum you sick bastard!" said Nathan.

"Yeah, that's his mum!" said Elmo.

Nathan shot him a look.

"We can do this the hard way, or- well there is no easy way!" Nathan continued.

"Yeah no easy way, you sick bastard!" said Elmo.

"Look if you're not going to take this seriously, you can just go home." Said Nathan.

Then Jeremy jumped onto Nathan taking him to the floor, and started growling like a dog, and panting, whilst Nathan was screaming.

"Stop screaming like a bitch, no pun intended, but it's only a naked man." Said Elmo.

Then Jeremy turned his focus to Elmo and tried to jump on him, Elmo punched the man in the face, sending him running off with a bloody nose.

"You have got to help me explain this to my mum!" said Nathan.

"Is she fit?" he asked.

"Just do it." Said Nathan.

And they both left without another word.

Curtis was sitting on a bench outside the community center when Alisha walked up, in a complete state.

"You look like you had a good night." He said.

"Crazy, can't remember any of it." She said.

"You know, my mum always told me to stay away from girls like you." He said

"Your mum has never met a girl like me." She replied teasingly.

The group were in the main hall of the community service building, and Nathan brought up a picture on his phone and showed Kelly.

"It's him, it's the guy who lives with my mum, he was out there again last night, this is evidence." Said Nathan.

"What am I looking at? Asked Kelly.

"Cock, Anus, bit of Ballsack." He said as he pointed to the different parts of the anatomy on the picture, then Kelly grabbed his phone to take a closer look.

"Eww what's that?"

"That's Ballsack, look it's from a low angle, Jesus." He said.

"Why where were you last night?" she asked.

Then Nathan's voice appeared in her head, 'Aw shit, she knows I'm a homeless.'

He then sped off to Simon, "Hey look, Cock, Anus, Ballsack!"

"What's that?" Simon laughed.

"That's Cock!" Nathan said.

"For fucks sake, he was there as well, come on man, back me up!" he said and pointed to Elmo.

"Yeah, I was, I needed more fags, and wandered into Nathan trying to hunt down a naked man, it was hilarious." He said as he pulled out a cigarette.

"Oh shit, I forgot, you probably broke his nose, how is he going to play that one down!" said Nathan with glee.

"Why did you break his nose?" asked Curtis.

"He jumped at me." I'm not going to stand there and be his bitch, like Nathan was." Replied Elmo.

"Enough alright, look we've got him pinned and that's what matters."

He then thought to himself.

"We need to do something now." He continued.

"Like what?" asked Kelly.

"Can you get me a gun?" he asked in all seriousness.

"There is no way, I'm getting a dickhead like you, a gun." She said.

"You can get a gun off the internet." Said Simon.

"I go two guns right here." Said Elmo, as he tensed both of his massive biceps, both of his sleeves were now ripped because he couldn't stand having one ripped and not the other.

"Show off." Said Curtis.

"You mad bro?" he asked.

"Guys we're going off topic here, what if we just go round there tonight, talk to him, and politely tell him to fuck off?" said Nathan.

"And what if he says no?" asked Kelly.

"I dunno, we'll improvise, so whose with me?" asked Nathan.

After a couple of moments of silence, Nathan spoke up once again.

"It's like that is it, after all we've been through. You now last week?" and more silence, "We killed our probation worker!" he continued.

"Shut the fuck up!" they all said.

"That counts for nothing?" he asked.

"I'll come with you, if no one else will." Said Simon.

"It's ok, the big guy's already coming with me." Said Nathan.

Simon felt invisible, so he walked off, and turned invisible.

Nathan was trying to get into his house with Elmo.

"I'm going to climb through the window, wait for me to open the back door." He said.

"Pfft, whatever." Said Elmo.

Nathan climbed through the slightly open window and smashed a load of dishes on his way through, then Jeremy walked through all sweaty from his workout.

"Nathan?" he said.

"That's right, your number's up you pshyco nudist freak!" he said as he began to pull out his phone, Elmo merely opened the back door and walked in.

"Who's that?" Asked Jeremy.

"I'm so sorry to intrude, but Nathan is a whole new level more than stubborn, oh and people call me Elmo." He said to Jeremy.

"Nice to meet you, he said, although you do look familiar." He said.

"Yeah sorry about that, last night you were a little crazy and tried to jump on me, and I kinda broke your nose." He said guiltily, but before Jeremy could reply, Nathan brought up the picture.

"See anything you recognize?" he asked.

Jeremy sort of tilted his head, "What am I looking at?" he asked.

"Cock, Anus, Ballsack?" he said as he pointed them out from his phone.

"Is it?" he asked.

"It's from a low angle, it was you, last night!" he said.

"George Michael gets away with this shit, but he used to be in wham! Who are you?" he asked harshly.

"I don't remember what happened." Jeremy said sheepishly.

"Oh how very convenient, this happened, I show this to my mum, and you're history." Said Nathan.

"So just take your crappy hit, and go." He said, as he picked up a radio and dropped it, leaving it obliterated on the floor.

"That's your mums" said Jeremy

"Wow, dick head." Elmo said as he began to laugh.

"Well, I'll buy her a new one, because that's what sons do for their mums, look don't make this any harder on her just go!" he said.

"No, you go, your mum doesn't even want you here!" replied Jeremy.

"You bitch!" he shouted as he punched Jeremy in the face.

Just then his mum walked in.

"Nathan what are you doing!?" she yelled

"Right in the broken nose!" shouted Jeremy.

"And who is this random man standing in my kitchen!" he demanded.

"Hi, I'm Elmo, you're boyfriend tried to attack me whilst being crazy, I dunno Nathan will tell you." He said calmly.

"He's not her boyfriend, look just tell her you sick bastard!" he said.

"He already told me!" she shouted.

"He already told you? So what the fuck!?" asked Nathan.

"Whoa, shit's hit the fan, I'll wait outside." Said Elmo as he brandished his cigarettes and lighter.

"It started after that storm, it did something to me." Said Jeremy.

Elmo could be heard laughing outside.

"Sometimes its like I'm a dog." He continued.

"When I was a kid, we had this Jack Russell, Billy, we did everything together", at this point Nathan had a confused look on his face.

"He was my best friend."

"Whenever I see a Jack Russell it brings back all these feelings and next thing I know, I'm waking up naked." He finished.

"It's true, I didn't believe it at first, but I've seen what he's like when he changes." Said Nathan's mother.

"Just, are you honestly telling me, that you're ok with this?" asked Nathan.

"Well if that's who he is, then I've got to accept it." She said.

"Some men dress up in women's clothing." She continued.

"Yeah, they're just sick perverts, he's dangerous." Said Nathan.

Jeremy rose at this, "I would never hurt your mum, I love her." He said.

"You've broken his nose." She said,

"Sorry." Elmo said from outside.

"Aw, it's not like you can enter him in Crufts." He said, but this caused his mum to violently slap him, Nathan could not take this betrayal form his own mother, he left without another word.

A short while later Nathan knocked on the door of a strange house and Ruth answered the door.

"I got your address from the community center, and I thought you might want your phone back."

Ruth stayed silent.

"Oh and there's a photo on there you might want to delete, it's just a shot of a bit of ballsack, it's from a low angle, anyway, I'll see you around." And he started to leave.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

Nathan just stood there awkwardly, and Ruth brought him inside for a drink.

After a while, they had finished discussing Nathan's problems with his mum, concluding on him being a selfish bastard.

"So what happened to you?" he asked.

"Because when I cam back to the community center you were gone." He continued.

"At the time you seemed far more interested in chasing a naked man around the car park." She said in disbelief.

"So what would have happened if I hadn't have run off last night?" he asked.

"I'm guessing, you'd have had some pretty amazing sex." She said in a seductive tone.

"Really?" he said in a failed sexy voice.

"Oh yes." She concluded.

Nathan was trying to process this, so he downed the rest of his drink, and a few minutes later they were glued to each other's faces and moving up the stairs whilst undressing each other, when they had finally gotten to Ruth's bedroom, they were both nearly naked, Nathan finished by taking of both of their remaining clothes, and going in bareback.

Thirty seconds later and Nathan came, "Well that's slightly embarrassing." Ruth just started laughing at his failed attempt, "It's been a while, cut me some slack." He said pathetically.

"It's not that, but do you always pull that face when you orgasm?" she asked whilst trying to catch her breath.

"What's wrong with my come face?" he asked trying not to laugh.

"It's really bad." She confirmed while laughing.

"Well what now?" he asked.

"Do you want to try again?" she asked teasingly.

"Well, I'm here, you're here, we're both naked, consenting adults." He said, but was quickly cut off by Ruth connecting her lips with his.

Later they were both in the middle of a pretty intense session, when Nathan accidentally hit a button on the side of the table which caused an alarm to go off, and Ruth was really into it, she slapped him, and ten she frantically turned between a really old Ruth and an old Ruth, which caused Nathan to run off to the bathroom crying whilst still naked.

Ruth ran out of the bedroom now a younger version, "Are you ok?" she asked.

"And you were… What the fu… What was that thing?" he asked frantically.

"It was the storm, I just wanted to be young again." She replied.

"You complained about my come face love, you should see yours it's a shocker." He said.

"Do we have to talk about this through the door?" she asked.

"Okay, I'm coming out, move away from the door, back up, back up!" he said as he reluctantly opened the bathroom door, and walked out in Ruth's bathrobe.

"Exactly how old are you?" he asked.

"Eighty two." She said confidently.

Nathan's face scrunched up and he gave a painful moan.

"Eighty three next month, look, I didn't mean for this to happen, it felt so good to be young again, and I liked you." She said.

Nathan still moaning said, "I shagged someone's gran."

"I haven't got any grandchildren." She said awkwardly.

"Oh that's ok then, because that could have been really awkward." He said sarcastically.

"Look, I'm sorry." She said.

"You're sorry? I'm going to need counseling now, I'm damaged goods, where the hell are my boxer shorts!?" he yelled.

"Oh Nathan, don't go!" she said.

"I'm not waiting around for granny fuck me, to make another appearance."

And he ran out off the house as fast as he could.

The group were doing some litter picking and they found Nathan in sitting down in an underpass smoking a joint.

"Hey what happened to you?" asked Curtis.

"Oh nice, in on that." Said Elmo as he sat down next to Nathan, and pulled out a joint at least twice the size of Nathan's and lit it.

"I will not be in a room while that song is playing, line in the sand my friend." Nathan said.

"That's not it though, is it?" asked Elmo.

"Some old woman was looking for you." Said Kelly, then Nathan's voice came into her head, 'What is Ruth as told her I had sex with her.' Kelly's face contorted.

"You shagged her!?" she yelled.

Nathan tried to play it off as a joke but it didn't stick.

"You totally screwed her!" said Alisha as she burst out laughing.

"No!" he replied.

"You nailed that old woman!?" asked Curtis in disbelief.

"NO!" he repeated.

They all started to give their disagreements to the event.

"Did you enjoy it?" asked Simon.

"Shut up you little freak!" shouted Nathan.

"Hey don't be a cunt to Simon." Said Elmo.

"I think he enjoyed it." Said Simon with a grin.

"Are you into that?" asked Curtis.

"NOO!" said Nathan for the third time.

"It was the storm, remember Ruth, from Tuesday, that beautiful woman, nice curves, it was the storm, it made her young again." Said Nathan.

"Please, Please tell me you didn't." said Alisha, as she made a crude imagery of cunnilingus.

"Oh you did!" she finished.

They started to laugh apart from Kelly and Elmo.

Nathan started to walk off, Elmo stayed sitting on the ground enjoying his oversized spliff, and Kelly ran after Nathan.

"Nathan, Nathan wait, I didn't mean to tell them, it just came out!" she said.

"Well great job, nice one, well done." He said as he continued to walk off.

"And stay out of my head, ok." He finished.

"Granny fucker!" shouted Kelly.

Nathan merely gave her the two finger salute.

Simon was at home just browsing through his homepage of videos and pictures, then a girl that had been talking to him for quite a while, had started a new conversation with him, 'I love chatting to you' it said.

He then messaged it back saying, 'I want to know what you look like, send a photo.' To which the person replied with.

'No photos.

Use your imagination.'

Then promptly left the chatting website.

Simon thought nothing of it and continued to browse his homepage.

Later on that day, Nathan was sitting on the roof of the community center where the group had slightly put some un used furniture, thinking to himself, and the next morning he went round to Ruth's house, and knocked on the door, but the door opened to the touch, and Nathan cautiously walked in.

"Ruth?" he said loudly, awaiting a reply.

Nothing was heard, he walked into her living room to see her older self-sitting down in the chair with a book on her lap, her eyes were closed, she had passed away, Nathan picked up the book, it was a photo memory book, which showed pictured of the beautiful young Ruth he knew, all the way to the older Ruth he dreaded. Until there were no more pictures to fill out the book with, he stopped put the book back and gave her a final parting kiss on the forehead.

A little while later with Nathan's burdens lifted, he went back to see his mum, he stood behind a big quilt cover whilst hi mum pulled it down off the washing line, revealing his tall figure standing there, and after a moment of awkward silence, he finally spoke up.

"So, I guess you're going to tell me you love him." He said.

"Yes, but that doesn't change the way I feel about you." She replied.

"I'm so sorry that I hit you." She continued.

"It's fine, I punched the guy you live with." He replied.

"Or your, no, I can't call him your boyfriend, your partner, it's too pathetic." He continued.

"You can call him dad if you like." She said whilst harboring a small.

"That's funny." He said

"Look, I've been worried about you, now I know this is asking a lot, but if you really, really try your hardest to get along with Jeremy, maybe you can move back in." she said

"I'm not being funny but a woman of your age, if you don't settle down before your looks go, you'll have no chance." He said.

"No, I've got my flat, it'll be better this way, and right about now, I'll be needing to go back home." He said.

"Come back for your tea sometimes?" she asked.

"Yep, see you then." He said somewhat anti-climatically, then Jeremy stepped out of the door with two cups of tea, and Nathan headed for the exit.

"If you ever hurt her, I'll take you up the vets and have you put down." He said to Jeremy as he shot him a wink.

Back in the community changing rooms and the group were getting into their regular clothes.

"I told you there were more people that got messed up, and you didn't believe me." Said Kelly to Nathan.

"Yeah well, clearly, I was wrong, wasn't I?" he said rhetorically.

Alisha turned and made another sex joke.

"Another oral sex gag, brilliant." Said Nathan over sarcastically.

Nathan opened his locker to see another note stuck on the inside, this time with a picture of the probation worker, with 'I know' written in black pen on it.

"You know that note, you had in your locker, I think that was talking about the probation worker." Said Nathan.

"Shit." Said Curtis, as they all stood around Nathan's locker in silence.

"Ahh bollocks." Said Elmo as he brandished a cigarette.


End file.
